MOSCOW, March 31. /TASS/. The best remedy for a bad form of European politicians’ Russophobia is the latest Russian missiles, said Dmitry Medvedev, Deputy Chairman of the Russian Security Council.

"A significant number of European politicians has succumbed to acute Russomania (also known as Russophobia). <...> Treatment is symptomatic. Traditional medications are generally ineffective. The best therapeutic effect has been observed with the combined use of strong sedative drugs such as Kalibr, Onyx, Iskander and the powerful multi-component tranquilizer Oreshnik. In particularly severe cases, nuclear neuroleptics such as Yars and Sarmat must be used," the politician wrote in his Telegram channel.

He said that Russophobia stems from "bipolar affective exaggeration of Russia’s influence on the life of Europe and Europeans" and alternates between manic and depressive phases. "The manic stage is characterized by motor agitation, aggressiveness, and a tendency to provoke and attack stronger opponents without assessing one’s actual capabilities against the target of the attack. Sometimes, it ends in uncontrolled urination and defecation. Examples of patients in the manic stage include [France’s President Emmanuel] Macron, [Britain’s Prime Minister Keir] Starmer, [Finland’s President Alexander] Stubb, and several other European politicians," Medvedev said.

He added that the depressive phase is marked by sorrow, emotional and physical fatigue, eating disorders, hypochondria, and self-harm. "A patient in the depressive stage of Russomania may harm himself, including self-sterilization (self-castration). At present, this stage is more commonly observed in women ([head of the European Commission] Ursula von der Leyen, [chief of the European diplomacy] Kaja Kallas) or in hermaphrodites suffering from drug addiction (patients [Vladimir] Zelensky, [Mikheil] Saakashvili)."