And bitter tightwad Paul is driving up the bidding each time his huge, bruised ego makes him act like a pillock - ie trying to cancel her charity skydive because he paid for it and threatening to kidnap her chickens.

From family's whispered remarks in the hallway, to Martin's ever-creative curses ("pillocking pillock"), this is as funny as ever.

He could have travelled first class in the train instead of making a pillock of himself by sitting on the floor.

Now, if you remember, the only way to answer the door to Cheggers was by yelling the password out through the letter box - if you opened your door without doing so, you looked like a right pillock.

He's winning the prize for Pillock of the Tournament at the moment.

The great Helen Mirren delivered the 'Don't be a pillock' in Bud's 'don't drink and drive' public-ser- vice announcement.

Etymology isn't a word I drop into polite conversation too often for fear of sounding like a pillock. Actually, pillock's a word that probably has an interesting history.

Craig Richardson steps into Spencer's old berth of panto pillock and does so with style.

"You come across as a grade A pillock," he snarled.

It's like any advert or little film, you might feel like a bit of a pillock, or you might feel stupid at the time of doing it, but it seemed like it turned out OK, and hopefully everybody likes it," he added.

I preferred the old days of the East Terrace when it was easier to put up with standing amid a relentless torrent of urine cascading down the concrete steps so long as some overweight pasty-munching pillock wasn't saying "excuse me" for 80 minutes.

"I'd like to see some pillock who's sat somewhere actually tell me what team I'm supposed to pick.