Module 9:

Personal
Relationships
 Processing Question:
How does knowing more
about attraction, love, and
commitment help you WATCH THE
VIDEO

become more responsible

in a relationship?
WHAT DO WE MEAN BY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS?

The concept of relationships is very

broad and complex. In our model,
personal relationships refer to close
connections between people, formed by
emotional bonds and interactions. These
bonds often grow from and are
strengthened by mutual experiences.
 Relationships are not static;
they are continually evolving, and
to fully enjoy and benefit from
them we need skills, information,
inspiration, practice, and social
support.
Three kinds of personal relationships:

1. FAMILY
2. FRIENDS
3. PARTNERSHIP
1. Family
The concept of "family" is an essential
component in any discussion of
relationships, but this varies greatly from
person to person. The Bureau of the
Census defines family as "two or more
persons who are related by birth, marriage,
or adoption and who live together as one
household."
 Some typical characteristics of a
family are support, mutual trust,
regular interactions, shared beliefs
and values, security, and a sense of
community.
 Although the concept of "family"
is one of the oldest in human
nature, its definition has evolved
considerably in the past three
decades. Non-traditional family
structures and roles can provide as
much comfort and support as
traditional forms.
2. Friends
A friendship can be thought of as a
close tie between two people that is
often built upon mutual experiences,
shared interests, proximity, and
emotional bonding.
Friends are able to turn to each other
in times of need.
2. Friends
Nicholas Christakis and James
Fowler, social-network researchers and
authors of the book Connected, find
that the average person has about six
close ties—though some have more, and
many have only one or none.
2. Friends
Note that online friends don’t
count toward close ties—research
indicates that a large online
network isn’t nearly as powerful as
having a few close, real-life friends.
2. Partnerships
Romantic partnerships, including
marriage, are close relationships
formed between two people that are
built upon affection, trust, intimacy, and
romantic love.
We usually experience this kind of
relationship with only one person at a
time.
Basic Definitions:

1. Relationship - a relation between

people - a state of connectedness
between people (especially an
emotional connection).
Basic Definitions:

2. Personal relationships -
relationships between people,
especially those between
friends, lovers and family
members
Basic Definitions:
3. Love - strong affection for another
arising out of kinship or personalities
<maternal love for a child> - attraction
based on sexual desire : affection and
tenderness felt by lovers -affection
based on admiration, benevolence, or
common interests <love for his old
schoolmates>
Basic Definitions:
3. Love - strong affection for another
arising out of kinship or personalities
<maternal love for a child> - attraction
based on sexual desire : affection and
tenderness felt by lovers -affection
based on admiration, benevolence, or
common interests <love for his old
schoolmates>
Basic Definitions:

4. Commitment - the act of binding

yourself (intellectually or emotionally)
to a course of action - a message that
makes a pledge.
Basic Definitions:

5. Attraction - the act, power, or

property of attracting - attractive
quality; magnetic charm; fascination;
allurement; enticement - a person or
thing that draws, attracts, .allures, or
entices
Basic Definitions:

6. Responsibility - the social force that

binds you to the courses of action
demanded by that force - a form of
trustworthiness; the trait of being
answerable to someone for something
or being responsible for one’s conduct.
WHY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
ARE IMPORTANT?

Healthy relationships are a vital

component of health and well-being. There is
compelling evidence that strong
relationships contribute to a long, healthy,
and happy life.
Research shows that healthy relationships
can help you:
• Live longer. A review of 148 studies found that
people with strong social relationships are 50% less
likely to die prematurely. Similarly, Dan Buettner’s
Blue Zones research calculates that committing to a
life partner can add 3 years to life expectancy
(Researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler
have found that men’s life expectancy benefits from
marriage more than women’s do.
Research shows that healthy relationships
can help you:
• Deal with stress. The support offered by a
caring friend can provide a buffer against the
effects of stress. In a study of over 100 people,
researchers found that people who completed a
stressful task experienced a faster recovery when
they were reminded of people with whom they
had strong relationships.
Those who were reminded of stressful
relationships, on the other hand, experienced even
more stress and higher blood pressure.
Research shows that healthy relationships
can help you:
• Be healthier
In addition, a 2012 international Gallup poll found
that people who feel they have friends and family to
count on are generally more satisfied with their
personal health than people who feel isolated. And
hanging out with healthy people increases your own
likelihood of health—in their book Connected,
Christakis and Fowler show
that non-obese people are more likely to have non-
obese friends because healthy habits spread through
our social networks.
Research shows that healthy relationships
can help you:
• Feel richer. A survey by the National
Bureau of Economic Research of 5,000
people found that doubling your group of
friends has the same effect on your
well-being as a 50% increase in income!
Low social support is linked to a number of
health consequences, such as:

1. Depression. Loneliness has long been

commonly associated with depression, and
now research is backing this correlation up a
2012 study of breast cancer patients found
that those with fewer satisfying social
connections experienced higher levels of
depression, pain, and fatigue
Low social support is linked to a number of
health consequences, such as:

2. Decreased immune function. The authors of

the same study also found a correlation
between loneliness and immune system
dysregulation, meaning that a lack of social
connections can increase your chances of
becoming sick.
Low social support is linked to a number of
health consequences, such as:

3. Higher blood pressure. University of

Chicago researchers who studied a group of
229 adults over five years found that
loneliness could predict higher blood
pressure even years later, indicating that the
effects of isolation have long-lasting
consequences .
25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating. This includes

emotional infidelity, one-night stands, internet
relationships (including ‘sexting’), long- and
short-term affairs and financial infidelity.
2. Sexual Issues, particularly loss of libido and
including questions around your gender, or your
partner's gender.
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs
25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
4. Life stages – you have ‘outgrown’ each
other or have ‘changed’
significantly for whatever reason
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress,
such as Work-Related Stress,
long-term illness, mental health issues,
Financial Problems, problems with the
children, infertility, and many more.
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship
25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

8. Dealing with a jealous partner

9. Having 'blended' family issues
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal
as well as physical abuse:

The most serious relationship problem.

11. Knowing you should not have got married
in the first place!
25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances,

children, health, and many other
issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations- still thinking your
partner/spouse is the princess /
knight and not seeing the 'real' human being
14. Addictions - substance abuse
25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the
relationship
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times
from people that matter to you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your
relationships with family or friends
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of
responsibility for chores and tasks.
It is not always women who complain about this
relationship problem.
25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and
consideration/attentiveness: feeling the
relationship is one-sided is a big one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and
traumas that lead to a change in relationship
dynamics
22. Long-term depression or other mental
health issues suffered by one partner
or both
25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to
discipline/deal with the children
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking
responsibility for doing something positive to
address the cause, or about learning to handle it
if it cannot be changed
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy
and/or significant problems after
the birth of your baby.
TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING
LONG-LASTING, AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

1. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Your

relationship with yourself is the central template
from which all others are formed. Loving yourself
is a prerequisite to creating a successful and
authentic union with another.
TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING
LONG-LASTING, AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

2. PARTNERING IS A CHOICE. The choice to be in a

relationship is up to you. You have the ability
to attract your beloved and cause the
relationship you desire to happen.
TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING
LONG-LASTING, AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

3. CREATING LOVE IS A PROCESS. Moving from “I”

to “we” requires a shift in perspective and
energy. Being an authentic couple is an evolution.
TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING
LONG-LASTING, AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

4. RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO

GROW. Your relationship will serve as an
unofficial “life shop” in which you will learn
about yourself and how you can grow on your
personal path.
TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING
LONG-LASTING, AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

5. COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL The

open exchange of thoughts and feelings
is the lifeblood of your relationship.
TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING
LONG-LASTING, AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

6. NEGOTIATION WILL BE REQUIRED There will be

times when you and your partner must work
through impasses. If you do this consciously and
with respect, you will learn to create win-win
outcomes.
TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING
LONG-LASTING, AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

6. NEGOTIATION WILL BE REQUIRED There will be

times when you and your partner must work
through impasses. If you do this consciously and
with respect, you will learn to create win-win
outcomes.
TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING
LONG-LASTING, AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

7. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE CHALLENGED BY

CHANGE Life will present turns in the road.
How you maneuver those twists and turns
determines the success of your relationship.
8. YOU MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT
TO THRIVE Treasure your beloved and your
relationship will flourish.
TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING
LONG-LASTING, AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS

9. RENEWAL IS THE KEY TO LONGEVITY Happily

ever after means the ability to keep the
relationship fresh and vital.
10. YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS THE MOMENT YOU
FALL IN LOVE You know all these rules
inherently. The challenge is to remember them
when you fall under the enchanting spell of love.
Food for thought:

The person you love (or used to love) was

always bound to hurt you - it's sadly a fact of life
and we all do it to each other. However, we can
become better at solving our relationship
problems by taking responsibility for ourselves.