Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)

Zach Galifianakis: Jake

Photos 

Quotes 

• Riggan : Just find me an actor. A good actor. Give me Woody Harrelson.

  Jake : He's doing the next Hunger Games.

  Riggan : Michael Fassbender?

  Jake : He's doing the prequel to the X-Men prequel.

  Riggan : How about Jeremy Renner?

  Jake : Who?

  Riggan : Jeremy Renner. He was nominated. He was the Hurt Locker guy.

  Jake : Oh, okay. He's an Avenger.

  Riggan : Fuck, they put him in a cape too?

• Jake : Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?

  Lesley : We share a vagina.

• Jake : Ask me if he sells tickets.

  Riggan : Does he sell tickets?

  Jake : A shitload of tickets! Now ask me if the critics like him?

  Riggan : Do they like him?

  Jake : They want to spooge on him.

  Riggan : [Indicating there's a lady in the room]  Hey.

  Jake : Lesley...

  Lesley : Right on his face.

• Jake : Get that smile off your face, you're freaking me out.

• Jake : He has a thing for nuns... in diapers.

• Riggan : That guy is the worst actor I've ever seen in my life. The blood coming out of his ear was the most honest thing he's done so far.

  Jake : It's not that bad.

  [pause] 

  Jake : Okay, it was fucking terrible.

• Jake : [to Riggan]  This isn't the 90s anymore.

• Jake : What are you doing?

  Riggan : [taking down the Birdman poster]  I can't look at this anymore.

  Jake : That was a present from the crew. Don't fuck with those guys, they're union.

  Riggan : I don't care.

• Jake : Ralph did it, the motherfucker did it. Threatened to sue us, didn't even wait to get out of the hospital.

  Riggan : What did you say?

  Jake : What did I say? I said "Ralph, you motherfucker, are you threatening me? I swear, I so much as get a letter from a lawyer, then the press is going to get the pictures off your computer." That's what I said.

  Riggan : What pictures?

  Jake : He has a thing for nuns. In diapers. Why should you care? You shouldn't have any knowledge of that, anyway.

• Riggan : I don't care, sign it.

  Jake : Listen to me.

  Jake : No you listen to me...

  Riggan : I can't afford to listen to you...

  Larry : I'm gonna need to go shopping again.

  Jake : Fucking sew something, you old fuck!

  Riggan : I don't care. Give him what he wants.

  Jake : His agent is asking for almost four times what we were paying...

  Riggan : Then go into the reserve.

  Jake : The reserve is gone. You spent it on the fog. And those fake trees...

  Riggan : It's a dream sequence, it...

  Jake : And three union midgets that dance around like...

  Riggan : You're not supposed to call them midgets...

  Jake : The reserve is gone!