- Karen Shetty: I can be a sexy doctor and cure some sexy cancer. That's not right, is it?
- Gretchen Wieners: No.
- Karen Shetty: I can sexy cure some cancer?
- Gretchen Wieners: No.
- Karen Shetty: I can cure sex cancer!
- Gretchen Wieners: Sex cancer doesn't exist.
- Karen Shetty: I did it!
- Gretchen Wieners: Don't worry. I will never tell Regina what you said. I am very trustworthy. Karen's had sex with eleven people and I've never told anyone.
- Gretchen Wieners: Oh, okay. If you and Regina are best friends now, then you can be in charge of keeping all her secrets? Okay. For example, she gave you those high heel shoes just to make fun of you because she knew you wouldn't be able to walk in them, sorry. Also, she says she has a nose job, but that's to distract from the fact that she had one of her ears moved. Also, she totally cheats on Aaron. Yeah, every Thursday she says she has college prep, but really, she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the third floor janitorial closet on the bags of sawdust that they use for barf. And I never told anyone because I am such a good friend.
- Ms. Norbury: 'Cause one thing I know for sure guys. Calling someone ugly is not gonna make you better looking. Calling someone else stupid does not make you any smarter. And we as woman have to be able to trust and support each other.
- Gretchen Wieners: Why are you dressed so scary?
- Cady Heron: It's Halloween.
- Gretchen Wieners: Cady, if you don't dress slutty, that is slut-shaming us.
- Gretchen Wieners: What are you thinking about?
- Jason Weems: Chicken wings later.
- Gretchen Wieners: Do you ever think about me?
- Jason Weems: Sometimes, when I'm looking right at you.
- [Gretchen passionately kisses him]
- Janis 'Imi'ike: Even the people you really don't like are still people who just want to coexist. So get off their dicks!
- Regina George: [singing] My name is Regina George. And I am a massive deal. Fear me, love me, stand and stare at me.
- [She unbuttons her shift]
- Regina George: And these? These are real. I've got money and looks. I am like drunk with power. This whole school humps my leg like a chihuahua. I'm the prettiest poison you've ever seen. That filter you use looks just like me. My name is Regina George. I am a massive deal. I don't care who you are. I don't care how you feel.
- Mr. Duvall: May I have your attention please? Eyes to the front of the room. You may have noticed we have a new student joining us today. She just moved from Kentucky.
- Cady Heron: Kenya.
- Mr. Duvall: Kenya. Her name is Caddy.
- Cady Heron: It's Cady. Cady Heron.
- Mr. Duvall: My apologies. I will commit that to memory. Cady, like Canadian songtress K.D. Lang. And Heron like the illegal street drug. Thank you Caddy.
- Cady Heron: It's Cady.
- Janis 'Imi'ike: You pretended to be dumb so you could keep talking to a guy?
- Cady Heron: Uh... Yeah. It worked.
- Janis 'Imi'ike: 'Cause that shit always works, Cady! It doesn't mean it's not evil! Fracking "works". Red lining "works". Gasoline to rags...
- Mrs. George: Oh, Regina! You're never gonna believe what I found in your closet this morning.
- Regina George: Why were you in my closet?
- Mrs. George: Because I'm doing that Japanese organizing thing where you take a little nap in the closet.
- Cady Heron: And who's at that table?
- Damian Hubbard: Oh, no, no, no. We call them The Plastics. 'Cause they're shiny, fake and hard.
- Mr. Rapp: My name is mister Rapp and I take no...?
- [the students stare at him]
- Mr. Rapp: My name is mister Rapp and I take no...?
- Cady Heron: Care of myself?
- Mr. Rapp: Crap. Correct answer was crap.
- Karen Shetty: Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea on the ferries wheel. And I'm sorry for repeating it now. And I'm sorry to the people who were below us.
- Regina George: Karen, I can see your bra.
- Karen Shetty: It's on purpose. I'm going for a look.
- Regina George: Is it "girl who slept with 11 people"? 'Cause you're nailing it.
- Gretchen Wieners: I think you look fetch.
- Regina George: Gretchen, stop trying to make "fetch" happen! It's not going to happen!
- Teary Girl: [Girl crying on stage while addressing a group of students] I just wish we could all get along like we used to in elementary school. I wish I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles. And we could all eat it and be happy.
- Damian Hubbard: She don't even go here!
- Ms. Norbury: Do you go to this school?
- Teary Girl: [Sobs louder] I'm here for a track meet. I just have a lot of feelings.
- Karen Shetty: Have you ever touched a tiger?
- Cady Heron: No. They're not indigenous to Kenya.
- Karen Shetty: That's always been my dream. To not touch a tiger.
- Gretchen Wieners: You're an international student. That is so fetch!
- Regina George: Fetch? Where's that from?
- Gretchen Wieners: It's from an old movie. Juno, I think.
- Gretchen Wieners: You will regret this when you're old, because I am frickin' fetch!
- Karen Shetty: That's how you use it!
- Kevin Ganatra: Hey, Bird, you ready to suit up and show off your math schquills?
- Jacob Zheng: Kev, stop trying to make schquills happen. It's not gonna happen.
- Kevin Ganatra: Jacob, get off my dick.
- Ms. Norbury: Hey! PG-13, please!