Maude (1972–1978)
Bea Arthur: Maude Findlay
Photos
Quotes
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[repeated line]
Maude Findlay : God'll get you for that, Walter.
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Maude Findlay : When he says wife, he means possession.
Walter Findlay : So what, Maude? You told me a hundred times you want to be possessed.
Maude Findlay : Walter Findlay, I never said that standing up and you know it.
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Maude Findlay : Walter, if you don't want my daughter and my only grandchild living here with us just tell me.
Walter Findlay : And...?
Maude Findlay : And I'll rip your heart out.
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Salesman : I'm hoping to get accepted in one of the big eastern universities.
Maude Findlay : Well before you think about college, you should learn to read. That sign says 'No Solicitors'.
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Maude Findlay : [to Walter] You know your red tie makes you look like Dan Rather... Of course, your paisley tie makes you look like Morley Safer. I think it's safer to look like Rather - unless you'd rather look like Safer.
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Walter Findlay : [after giving Walter an uncooked chicken after an argument] That chicken is frozen.
Maude Findlay : You think that's frozen, wait and see what you get in bed tonight.
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Dr. Arthur Harmon : No offense Maudie, but I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.
Maude Findlay : No offense Arthur, but that's the only way you'd EVER touch me.
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Maude Findlay : [Answering the phone] Hello? No, this is not Mr. Findlay. This is Mrs. Findlay. Mr. Findlay has a mustache.
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Walter Findlay : People communicate only when they are being themselves. One does not get through to someone by being something other than what one is.
Maude Findlay : That's a lovely speech, Walter, very lovely. Remind me when we have time, to record it on tape so I can accidentally erase it.
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Maude Findlay : Francie, this is Florida. My dear, dear friend, probably the best friend I have in the whole world.
Florida Evans : I'm the maid.
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Maude Findlay : [referring to Carol's ample bosom] To think I bought you your first training bra. Look how you've broken training.
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Walter Findlay : [arguing with Maude because she agrees the housekeeper should keep her maiden name after she's married] Well, if you feel that way, why didn't you keep your maiden name when we got married?
Maude Findlay : Because by the time we got married I couldn't remember it!
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Maude Findlay : [Holding up her high school cheerleading sweater, which has an "M" on the front] I can remember when the "M" covered my whole chest.
Walter Findlay : Now, you have enough room to spell out "MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY".
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Carol Traynor : You're getting senile in your old age.
Maude Findlay : Thank you, darling. I only hope I live long enough to become a burden to you.
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Maude Findlay : [Maude catches Walter with another woman] Walter, you son of a bitch.
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Maude Findlay : If you don't get back at all, we'll understand.
Dr. Arthur Harmon : I know that, Maudie, that's why i'm coming back if it kills me.
Maude Findlay : On those terms, I'll accept.
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Maude Findlay : [at a party where they all dress as their favorite year] Mrs. Naugatuck, what was your favorite year?
Mrs. Nell Naugatuck : Well, I don't know what my favorite year is, but I can tell you my least favorite. 1492.
Maude Findlay : 1492? Why 1492?
Mrs. Nell Naugatuck : Because if Columbus hadn't discovered this flipping country, I wouldn't be working here tonight!
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Maude Findlay : Florida, if we wanted Geraldine we'd get Flip Wilson.
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Walter Findlay : I finally got him to stop.
Maude Findlay : Gently, I hope.
Walter Findlay : Of course. I told him to shut the hell up.
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Vivian Harmon : [after Walter has a heart attack, he pretends that he is feeble so Maude will feel sorry for him. He attempts to do some knitting] Arthur, what about S-E-X?"
Maude Findlay : SEX? Vivian, he can hardly K-N-I-T.
