Never a Dull Moment (1968)
Edward G. Robinson: Leo Joseph Smooth
Photos
Quotes
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Leo Joseph Smooth : [to Florian, whom he just backhanded across the face] Stop that bleeding, will ya? It's stupid.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : I heard about that big run-in you had with the Treasury boys.
Jack Albany : Yeah, yeah, I heard that.
Leo Joseph Smooth : Well, you were there.
Jack Albany : Well, I heard you heard.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : You all right now?
Jack Albany : Yeah, I limp a little on the leg. You know how...
Leo Joseph Smooth : I thought he gottcha in the shoulder.
Jack Albany : He did, yes... It hit a nerve. Affected my leg. I still limp on it.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : He warned me to keep you away from booze and broads. He said booze and broads put you right out of your head.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : You know, I used to paint things you could recognize. You know, flowers, trees, waterfalls. Now I do that kinda stuff,
[Points to his splashed canvas]
Leo Joseph Smooth : and she swears its progress.
Sally Inwood : You know what we're trying to accomplish, Mr. Smooth.
Leo Joseph Smooth : Well, someday we're going back to flowers and trees.
Sally Inwood : And they'll be YOUR flowers and trees.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : I wanna be remembered.
Jack Albany : Well, as it is if you wouldn't be?
Leo Joseph Smooth : Oh, yes, in some circles, but... Dillinger, Capone, Bugsy Moran. Those are names the whole world knows. They live on through the deeds associated with 'em.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : Well, I wanna do something that'll make a place in history for my name. Posterity doesn't honor executives.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : You know, Bobby used to be a fighter. Pretty good, too.
Bobby Macoon : Eight years in the ring.
Leo Joseph Smooth : Now he's my communications expert.
Jack Albany : Oh, still listening for the bell, huh Bobby?
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Leo Joseph Smooth : I brought Cowboy in from Vegas. Fastest tommy gun in the West.
Cowboy Schaeffer : Aw, shucks, Joe.
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Jack Albany : [Speaking nabout Frank Foley] I got a parlor trick. In one second I make him dead and catch him before he hits the floor.
Leo Joseph Smooth : Uh, when the time comes, I'll make him dead myself.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : Frank, I want you to shake hands with Ace Williams. And from now on, I want you to treat him like a brother.
Frank Boley : Last year I worked my brother over so bad...
Leo Joseph Smooth : Now, Frank...
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Leo Joseph Smooth : If you'll shut your ignorant yaps, I'll set you guys straight on a few facts. First. It's not a lousy picture. It's a very fine picture and it's a very famous picture... worth around 600 Gs.
Bobby Macoon : 600 Gs?
Leo Joseph Smooth : And, second, it's 40 feet long. A whole room!
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Leo Joseph Smooth : [to Florian, after slapping him across the face] What're you always bleedin' for?
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Leo Joseph Smooth : What happened?
Frank Boley : He got fresh with the artist and she took care of him.
Jack Albany : I should have killed her.
Leo Joseph Smooth : Francis.
[Francis picks Jack up off the floor]
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Leo Joseph Smooth : I'm glad you were able to control yourself. I'm paid up for three more lessons.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : Pepé was right about you and broads.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : He thanks you, he relaxes, and you kill him. Now, how do you figure you'll do it?
Jack Albany : [Acting as Ace Williams] Do what?
Leo Joseph Smooth : Kill him.
Jack Albany : Oh, well maybe a shiv at the base of the medulla oblongata. Or, maybe I'll paralyze the clavichord. All depends on how I feel at the time.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : Medulla oblongata? Well, in every art form, there's an element of spontaneity, you know. I'm the first to appreciate that.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : What's going on here?
Sally Inwood : I would like another car, please, and another driver to take me home.
Leo Joseph Smooth : Why? Something's wrong with the car?
Sally Inwood : It's broken.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : A new car, less than a thousand miles, and it's broken?
Sally Inwood : Well, quite possibly it was not built to withstand crashing into a tree. Of course, that's just an opinion. I am not a mechanic.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : Oh, you wrapped up the car?
Florian : Well, she hit me.
Sally Inwood : I slapped him, for the classic reason.
Florian : All I did was...
Leo Joseph Smooth : [Backhands Florian] I know what you did.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : Ah, so the kid got out of hand. He's sorry. And it's no great disaster.
[Joe looks at Florian]
Leo Joseph Smooth : What are you always bleeding for?
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Sally Inwood : The Field of Sunflowers!
Leo Joseph Smooth : Yeah.
Sally Inwood : Why are you showing a picture of that here?
Leo Joseph Smooth : Well, I, uh, shouldn't have to... there are people who appreciate art.
Sally Inwood : These people? Well, there must be some other reason.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : [to Florian] Keep your hands to yourself or I'll take 'em away from you.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : [to Jack Albany standing on a ledge] Ace, I need you tomorrow, so I don't want you getting hurt. You get hurt, I'll kill you.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : Oh, so I've got a pair of aces, and I've gotta discard one.
Jack Albany : You've got one ace... and a joker.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : [Closing the library door on Jack and Ace] Have a good game, gentlemen. I'll be waiting outside to see who comes out ace high.
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Leo Joseph Smooth : How'd you do it? I'm curious.
Jack Albany : Just an ordinary Australian neck clop.
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Florian : Hey, he ain't dead.
Leo Joseph Smooth : What?
Jack Albany : The neck clop disables, it doesn't kill.
Leo Joseph Smooth : Well, why'd you wanna go and use that clop for?
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Jack Albany : If I kill him, his mouth is sealed forever.
Leo Joseph Smooth : Let it be sealed.
Jack Albany : Then you never find out who "they" is.
Leo Joseph Smooth : Yeah. Well, that's good thinking.
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Jack Albany : [stumbles and falls over a sculpture]
Leo Joseph Smooth : He's clever.