- Louis Strago: Your massaging my back not making love to me!
- Miss Diketon: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Strago.
- Louis Strago: This is not the first time that I find it decidedly nauseating. The Uniform Code of First Procedures states quite clearly that the relationship between a THRUSH official and employee must be kept on the highest level.
- Arturo 'Fingers' Stilletto: You ought to be proud.
- Napoleon Solo: I'm not Italian, you know.
- Arturo 'Fingers' Stilletto: That's all right. Try to be proud, anyway.
- Louis Strago: Miss Diketon!
- Miss Diketon: Sir.
- Louis Strago: The skirt is too tight, the length is too short, the neckline is too low. You're working in a place of business! Now, try to conduct yourself accordingly.
- Benjamin Luger: I'm terribly sorry, sir, but this is rather important. Communications has just heard from one of our sentries. A couple of strangers, they could be U.N.C.L.E. men.
- Louis Strago: Mr. Hitler didn't listen to you. THRUSH is prepared to listen, Dr. von Kronen. Indeed.
- Napoleon Solo: I think an explanation is in order. What happened...
- Grandma Monteri: Mio Caro, in Sicily, when a man stays overnight with a girl and the girl, she's not married, ha-ha, there is no explaining. There is only the wedding or the bullet.
- Pia Monteri: What if Signor Solo refuses?
- Grandma Monteri: No, no-no-no. Your Uncle's an honorable man. If Signor Solo refuses, they will blow his head off.
- Miss Diketon: You're a new one. I haven't seen you before.
- Illya Kuryakin: I just came in - as a replacement. Miss?
- Miss Diketon: Oh, Miss Dikeman. You're really very cute.
- Louis Strago: Miss Diketon!
- Miss Diketon: Sir.
- Louis Strago: Dictation, this time, Miss Diketon. A task at which you're - considerably more adept.
- Miss Diketon: Oh, yes, sir.
- Arturo 'Fingers' Stilletto: Inside the car, punk. You're going to attend a wedding.
- Napoleon Solo: Again?
- Arturo 'Fingers' Stilletto: Of course, if you don't want to go, it's okay. We got a substitute choice. We wrap you up in one of them fine concrete overcoats and send you for a swim in Lake Michigan. Your choice, punk.
- Arturo 'Fingers' Stilletto: You got 10 seconds, Blondie. You don't want to be spitting your teeth out on the ground. You tell us where your playmate Solo is. Huh?
- Arnold: Now you stay there - or I'll fill you so full of lead it'll take a crane to put you in a coffin!
- Arturo 'Fingers' Stilletto: Pia, honey, when its a matter of honor, family honor, things can be arranged.
- Arturo 'Fingers' Stilletto: Now or never, yes or no, you wanna get married or you wanna get dead?
- Napoleon Solo: Right now, I wanna my mother.
- Louis Strago: That U.N.C.L.E. agent, I assume Miss Diketon is still - toying with him?
- Dr. Heinrich von Kronen: Yep. She's still - toying with him.
- Miss Diketon: Oh, Illya, you're awfully attractive. I mean, I knew a lot of fellows in college and everything , before I joined THRUSH; but, you know, you get tired of those one-shot affairs. Besides, they couldn't hold a candle to you.
- Miss Diketon: Hi there! Oh, you are so cute. You know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to love you - to death.
- Pia Monteri: You're mad in the head, Signorina. I wouldn't even spit on your Signor Strago. I'm not afraid of him. Now, let me out of here, I'll cut you up like a chicken.
- Miss Diketon: Ohhhh! Yes. I think you should try to escape. In fact, I'm going to *love* you to try to escape. Ahhh.
- Mr. Thaler, Thrush Boss: Well, well we certainly can't have corruption in THRUSH, can we? But, don't transfer her, Strago. Just kill her and have done with it, will you. Save all that annoying paperwork.
- Louis Strago: How is it that I would want to bring you with me to this island? You who embody all that is vulgar in the world.
- Pia Monteri: Ah-ah-ah! You stay away, you hear!
- Louis Strago: You fascinate me.
- Pia Monteri: You no touch me. You no touch me!
- Pia Monteri: You're a nice man. I like you.
- Illya Kuryakin: I like you, too.
- Pia Monteri: You - you're not Italian, eh?
- Illya Kuryakin: No. A pity, isn't it?
- Pia Monteri: No, it doesn't matter. It's just the grandma, you know.
- Napoleon Solo: What's he doing?
- Thrush Captain: He has a bigwig from THRUSH Central, Mr. Strago's boss. The Man in the Green Hat, they call him.
- Arturo 'Fingers' Stilletto: Look, lets get in out of the sun and I'll tell you all a nice story about the Gulf Stream and nuclear missiles and a wicked, little bird called THRUSH. How about it?
- Dr. Heinrich von Kronen: Fraulein Diketon.
- Miss Diketon: Yes?
- Dr. Heinrich von Kronen: I must tell you, I cannot forget how beautiful you tortured that U.N.C.L.E. agent. I - would like you know that I - I admire you very much. Bravo!
- Miss Diketon: Oh, that's awfully sweet from a real professional like you. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
- Louis Strago: I am sick too. Sick of the very sight of you and your unclean mind which corrupts the very air that I breathe. You are dismissed, Miss Diketon.
- Louis Strago: Remember, those old duffers in there may look harmless, but, I can assure you that during the prohibition days they could have and would have torn either one of you apart for the price of a cigar. So, be careful. And, we want Solo alive.