Then as soon as some half-cut bloke burbles she looks a little like her, Nikki goes all coy and simpers, "I look like Alex Curran?

If I find him out, he just simpers pathetically and says he didn't want to upset me.

Strolling from prop to prop on a revolve stage, Patsy's poor pet simpers and writes to her mum.

Roommate Michael (Robin De Jesus) simpers over him, but it's plainlooking Ellen (Joanna Chilcoat) who lands the catch.

``He just likes to see as much of me as he can,'' simpers the 31-year-old.

In business you realise that is the way it goes," simpers Lady V.

* Carolyn Simpers (United States), e-mail: SimpersC@mtmc.army.mil.

"I think girls should be allowed to wear skimpy clothes," she simpers. "It's a minority sport and we want bigger crowds.

The peers are magnificent and make a wonderful entrance, Strephon is correctly full of romantic charm and hopelessly naive (Richard Morrison in the part) while his Phyllis (Kathleen Tynan) simpers prettily and looks enchanting in another delectable costume.

He simpers and looks longingly in the direction of Miranda, but too often the psychological thriller descends into a shouting match instead of a war of words.

Stuart Hall simpers that he is being persecuted because of a post-Jimmy Savile witch hunt, "a vendetta going on against people in the public eye".

Waddell simpers pleasantly, staring right back at her leading man, while Jonny Lee proves that being English doesn't give you the right accent.

The Catholic Bishop of Aberdeen, the Rt Rev Mario Conti simpers: "Some practices which todayseem cruel would not necessarily have been viewed in this light many years ago."

"I think more of the little kids from a school in a little village in the Niger," simpers Christine, who gets pounds 350,000 a year from the IMF - tax-free!

Haughty Sharon simpers: "I don't do blame." Bully for you, Ms Snootysmith.