I WON'T SHED A TEAR An Englishman's shed is his castle and his mock Tudor house, hostelry, Canadian log cabin, eco pod and spinning summerhouse, according to Friday's final of Amazing Spaces: Shed of the Year on Channel 4.

If you're going to shed a tear for anyone this weekend, shed a tear for men who are forced to graft solidly until they're 65 and who, when they do actually get a chance to retire, are too weak and broken to do anything other than sit at home watching Cash In The Attic and The Alan Titchmarsh Show.

"I shed a tear as the lads ran to our fans in the Broomloan Stand.

Jason named me Latron, he said I had street cred Fell 10 branches down, from my nest onto my head Didn't even shed a tear, when my real folks wouldn't feed me Just chipped and flexed on cats, 'cause I'm straight up G So I got this homie now; li'l vegan feeds me on my perch It's chill, I kick it, dude changes my paper like it's church So I'ma roll with Graham for a minute, least 'til I learn to fly I maybe a Bluejay someday, but I'll be Ragamuffin 'TIL I DIE

"I shed a tear or two for him," said Albert simply.

But before you picket or shed a tear for city arts, know that he's pledged to rebuild the theaters within the new building - and there's no FAR or design bonus to do so.

Yet, while my sister is beside herself with grief, I've yet to shed a tear.

FOOTBALL great George Best said he will "shed a tear" when he sells his treasured trophies to buy a mountain retreat.

Dr Rick Jolly, the surgeon commander who set up the Ajax Bay field hospital and treated the wounded from both sides during the war, said: "I don't shed a tear for him at all.